blaming albuquerque

Back in the days when they used to have Saturday morning cartoons, seeing a great Warner Brothers cartoon was common. This was an era before the Saturday morning tween-centered sitcom. There was no "That's So Raven" or "The Suite Life of Zach and Cody." No, old school folks like me had "Alvin and the Chipmunks," "Muppet Babies," and "The Smurfs." And, we liked it... we loved it!

Of course, we also had The Loony Toons on Parade... Tweety Bird, Sylvester, Daffy Duck, Foghorn Leghorn... all of them would march into our televisions on Saturday morning and make us laugh and help us unwind from our week full of book reports, spelling tests and math pop quizes. Usually, I would be seated on the floor with a TV tray, a glass of milk and some fresh chocolate covered donuts that my parents would have brought back for me from their weekly Saturday morning visit to the grocery store.

No Loony Toons would ever have been complete without at least one feature focusing on Bugs Bunny. Some of Bugs Bunny's best stories were the ones that start showing Bugs burrowing under the ground, zigging and zagging through the turain. Then, in an Artic setting, in the midst of a snowstorm, Bugs would pop up from the ground in Bermuda shorts, a surf board and a shade umbrella. Obviously dressed for a tropical location and finding himself in freezing weather, Bugs would pull out his trusty map to retrace his steps and see where he was. This would typically lead our hero to pinpoint the source of his problems... Seeing where he went wrong, he'd say, "I must have taken a wrong turn in Albuquerque."

I look around my life now and objectively, I have it good. I have a job-- which in these economic times is something to be especially thankful for. And, I actually LIKE what I do, so again, nothing to spit at there.

I have a house of my own which also doesn't suck. While, true, I have just the "bare necessities" in terms of furniture, there are more cracks in the walls than I prefer, and I have no idea what to do with the landscaping or decorating, it's a house, and it's mine.

I do a decent amount of theatre work ... and the work I do is decent. I don't get every part or every show I want, and the schedule can really stress me out. But, I'm able to follow my bliss to a degree that keeps me content.

I know some pretty great people that I call friends, and the better part is that most of them call me a friend too. Sure, I can get on their nerves, and a few of them can tap dance on mine. I may ocassionally forget or neglect an important event in their life, and a few of them really suck around my birthday, but overall, I'm surrounded by some good folks.

I have a family that loves me... despite the challenges I've presented them and the distance I've created.

I'm healthy, and I'm glad to have the resources and time to continue to exercise and eat right. Not sure that I'm necessarily buying more time on this planet by doing it, but at least it helps me look in the mirror without throwing up.

And despite all those things, I feel off track. Emotionally, I still feel lost (which, yes, I'm seeing a theme in my writing... No need to go all Dr. Phil on me). It's just some sense of emotional wandering I've had lately. I have lost my emotional footing lately.

Looking back, I know where I went wrong. The wrong turn I took is very clear to me. I see the one I should not have fallen for.

So, while I could stay up the rest of the night, finishing this bottle of wine and blaming Alburquerque, I'm more curious about what to do now that I'm here.