3 Reasons I'm Against Gay Marriage

I’m not even sure if I remember how to do this, but I’m finally making another blog entry. It’s partly inspired by a comment the sweet and lovely Jessica Ross posted on my Facebook wall. It’s partly inspired by the need to leave something productive behind on this Columbus Day holiday. It’s partly inspired by a passing comment my dad made on the phone tonight about how he read a card I sent my grandmother, and it reminded him of what “gifted a writer” I am (he’s words, no mine). And, it’s partly inspired by a thought I’ve had floating around in my head for well over a year now--- and, the thought is this:

I’m against gay marriage.

There, I said it. And although the history of my Facebook status updates and my adamant boycott of a certain cow mascotted, fried chicken vendor might lead you to believe the contrary, the truth of the matter is that I’ve thought about it for quite some time, and when it comes down to it, I can’t support gay marriage.

Oh, sure, the whole ideas of the white picket fence at the house of Victoria and Kay and back yard BBQs with Doug and Bob have nice rings to them. And, yes, the hallway full of pictures of decades of a life together can make for nice images to pass as you go from room to room. In fact, I even know several couples who have made strong attempts at making same sex marriages work; they continue to prove their point to this day. But, shake off the fairy dust, and what you have isn’t something I can support.

The other day, I accidently dropped the container of powdered creamer I use for my coffee. It just fell out of my hand for no other apparent reason. I didn’t bump into anything. I wasn’t distracted. The container simply fell to the kitchen counter with a thud. Thankfully, it wasn’t breakable and didn’t spill. But, if it had broken or emptied powdered creamer all over the counter and floor, I would have had to clean it up. I live alone and in the world of those who live alone, you spill something, you break something, you clean it up. Thems are the rules for solo living.

If they approve gay marriage across the United States, I’ll have to clean up other people’s messes. If my husband happens to drop a bottle of wine, first, I’ll have to yell at him for wasting good wine. Then, I’ll have to make sure he’s not barefoot. Next, I’ll have to get out the mini broom and … and … what’s that thing that you sweep broken glass in? Well, that broom tray thingy. I’ll have to get that and clean up the shards of glass. Then, I’ll have to get the Pine-Sol and sponge mop to wipe up the wonderful red (or in the summer, white) wine that my clumsy husband spilled. And, as a wise woman once said, “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

Truth be known, I’ve got better things to do. I’ve got episodes of The Real Housewives to watch. I’ve got things to tell my husband about my day. I’ve got to hear about his. I’ve got a backrub to give him and kisses to share with him. I don’t have time to clean up messes he makes because he was careless.

That’s reason one I’m against gay marriage.

I, with increasing frequency it would seem, misplace my keys or my wallet and, on special days, both. I try to be clever and put them somewhere where I’m sure to walk by or definitely remember, but in my own cleverness, I often confuse myself and forget that repetition helps me more than creative thinking. My grandfather (my dad’s dad) passed away of Alzheimer’s, and so in those moments, as I’m looking in drawers, in pants’ pockets, or on counters for my missing keys/wallet/both, I think, “Here it is. This is the beginning of Alzheimer’s. I’m aware enough to see it now, but someday, I won’t even know that I have a car, much less keys to go it in.” But, you know, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.

If they approve gay marriage across the United States, then I’ll have to subject someone to my forgetfulness. I feel as though I annoy enough of my co-workers and friends to begin with. Why would I want to sentence someone to live with me ‘til death do us part’ and just guarantee to add one new person to this list of those I annoy on a regular basis? By doing so, I make it my husband’s job to help me remember where I last left my keys. He’s got to tell me where he found my wallet after I looked for it for an hour and a half. He’s got to remind me that we can’t go see a movie on Friday night because we already promised that we’d go get dinner with Jeff and Shane.

Truth be known, he’s got better things to do. He has to remember how we met. He has to recall where we went on our first date. He has to mark the important dates and anniversaries on our calendar so each one can be savored and celebrated (like that damn bottle of wine he broke). He needs to remember more important things than where I lost my keys.

That’s reason two I’m against gay marriage.

I know someone. He’s remarkable. He’s driven and inspiring. He downplays his intelligence, but I can tell he’s probably one of the smartest people I know. And, no one on the history of this earth has made me laugh so genuinely. He’s not the prettiest man I’ve ever met, but he’s most definitely the most beautiful. In many ways, because I met him, there’s now part of me that believes in soul mates.

And, he’s engaged to a wonderful, talented, creative, gorgeous man.

If they approve gay marriage in the United States, then I’ll be subject to true heartbreak. Sure, a cynic could say that if there’s gay marriage, there’ll eventually be gay divorce. But, the whole concept of marriage is supposed to be deeper, it’s supposed to be for life, it’s supposed to be forever. Before the whole movement and fight for marriage equality existed, the gays had an out. If we can’t REALLY be married, then there’s ALWAYS a chance that something could happen. If we fell in love with someone who might already have a boyfriend, we could just keep logging on to Facebook and check their relationship status. Eventually, be it a few weeks, months or years, it would change. It was practically guaranteed. There was always hope.

But, with gay marriage as a real thing, it’s different. It’s more substantial. It’s more concrete. It’s all more real. It’s more final. That applies to the marriage and the resulting heartache for the person who sees someone they love getting married.

Truth be known, I’ve got better things to do. I have jokes to tell to someone. I have destinations to experience with someone. I have movies to curl up on the couch with someone and watch. I have gut-wrenching goodbyes to family members to make and then a shoulder to cry on. I have children to adopt and parent with someone. I have ordinary days to share. I have thousands of better ways to spend my time then hurting because the one I love is marrying someone else.

That’s reason three I’m against gay marriage.

When it comes down to it, gay marriage just causes problems. Someone has to make sure the white picket fence is freshly painted. Someone has to clean the BBQ after all those backyard cookouts with friends and family. Someone has to dust all those picture frames in the hallway that commemorate a lifetime together. Someone has to help you clean up messes. Someone has to help you remember things. Someone gets their heart really broken.

Without gay marriage, you don’t have those problems.